date someone who makes you feel like Everytime We Touch by Cascada on the inside
it’s cute that they sell family sized oreo boxes thinking that people are gonna share them with their family
tell me a secret
One time during class my drama/english teacher, who’s a devout vegan and all about not killing animals, accidentally stepped on a ladybug. He froze up and slowly cradles it in his hand and he was so heartbroken and started quoting Hamlet.
I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was a red m&m.
I can’t breathe
Think about it. When they first met at Madame Malkin’s, Draco tried to impress Harry. He didn’t know who Harry was and, no offence, but Harry was more than shaggy dressed. That means he was undoubtedly not Draco’s class. But Draco didn’t care. When they met again on the train, Draco offered his friendship. Harry refused. And that’s when the teasing began. Look at it this way: if Harry would be a girl, Draco would pull on his pigtails, would poke him in the ribs and would lift his skirt. But Harry is a boy, so Draco copes with his feelings in a different way. He follows Harry around to blackmail him somehow, he always starts a fight and he is mean to Harry’s friends to rise a reaction out of him. If that isn’t love or at least liking, I don’t know what else is.
MY MOM JUST ASKED ME WHAT I WANT MY CAKE TO BE FOR MY SPIDER-MAN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY AND I TOLD HER I WANT IT TO BE IN THE SHAPE OF ANDREW GARFIELD’S BUTT AND SHE WAS LIKE “SEND ME SOME PHOTOS I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO” OH MY GOD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
'Scuse me, but may I have a piece of that ass?Do you know how many times I made that joke at my party
No Sven, we're not going back. She's with her true love.
Lying is the best and often also the most ethical way to get a job.
For $150, this guy bought a fake résumé & callable references in an industry he’s never worked in. And got hired:
For a small fee, CareerExcuse.com promises to not only craft an elaborate lie based on your exact job specifications but to see it through for as long as necessary. The site will provide a live HR operator and staged supervisor, along with building and hosting a virtual company website—complete with a local phone number and toll-free fax. CareerExcuse will even go so far as to make the fake business show up on Google Maps.
William Schmidt started the site in 2009, after being let go from his job in a round of layoffs during the lowest depths of the recession.
“While we were all unemployed, a couple of my former coworkers asked me to act as their reference for job interviews,” Schmidt recalled. “I did it for free for my friends, but then I realized that this is some there’s a pretty big demand for. It was something I could take to the public.”
He was right. Within the first 24 hours of launching the CareerExcuse site, Schmidt had already received multiple order for his services. He’s quick to brush off ethical concerns, citing horror stories from his clients about being mistreated by their former employers (and thus being unable to acquire a reference) and noting that it becomes more difficult to land a job the longer someone’s been unemployed.
Employment is a racket. So is college.